This lesson, feels to me as one of the most difficult lessons to learn. It is so simple to say, almost rhythmical – yet the act of following these steps are so difficult.
There have been many things in my life, where I had to apply this lesson – many occasions, some more painful than others, yet the result was always the same. Letting go, gives you freedom and perspective that you did not have before, and that alone, can help you to understand what went wrong and how to fix something.
Understand: Not many people are fortunate enough to have the understanding that they require around certain situations, acts or reactions. This is normal. Usually there is not the space to gain total understanding, but here is always the space to ask questions and get answers. You deserve answers. Regardless of the situation, a failed job interview, promotion, relationship or friendship. You have the right to ask the questions that you need to understand.
Accept: Once you have achieved understanding, this is when you need to work towards accepting the situation for what it is. Denial is a perfectly normal reaction to a bad situation, especially an unexpected one. It is fine. You are allowed to go through that. But once the denial is over, and with the understanding that you have achieved – acceptance will come. It will be difficult at first. You will always go back in your mind to what could have been, especially if love is involved. Acceptance comes in a second. It takes its time to reach you, but when it does come, it comes quickly.
Forgive: Once you have gained understanding and achieved acceptance, you are ready to forgive. Forgiveness of yourself, for the role you played in your failed venture or ambition or relationship, forgiveness of the person that may have declined the promotion etc. I always find that forgiving others is much easier than forgiving yourself – because forgiving yourself means having to accept your actions and flaws that caused your life discomfort – most people are willing to do that (Lesson 4). Once you have gained the level of self-forgiveness, only then will you be ready for what comes next.
Let go: The act of letting go is such a challenging thing – there is not formula, there is no quick fix. It takes time. Pain lingers. Emotions linger. They are strong. If you are in control of them (Lesson 3) it does make it easier. I have not gotten jobs that I felt like I was meant for, I have lost my one love also. I have felt the pain – I have gone through the darkness. Letting go was always the most challenging step. Then you have let go. I found that prayer was my act of letting go – I prayed daily or even hourly, giving this moment or vision to God to take for me. I let it go to a higher power. I had to let go, knowing that God has a much bigger plan for me, and just perhaps it includes a job I have yet to see available, or a friend that adds more value to my life, or perhaps a love that I cannot even imaging now – or perhaps the same love in with a difference. I have to believe and let go. Once you reach a point where you can give that pain, that image and vision up to a higher power than yourself, where you can be truly happy for another (eg. if they got the job you applied for etc) and feel true happiness for them, then you have let go. Keep at it – it is not easy. Allow the tears. Allow the pain. It is normal.
Change: This is probably the most crucial part of this lesson learned. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - Albert Einstein. Once you have understood, accepted, forgave and finally let go – you have to change. You have to accept your flaws, your contributions to your life (Lesson 4) and it’s current state – the training you lacked for that position, the friend you never had time for, the lover that left – you have to change. For the good of yourself. If you do not, you will continue on the same path as before, doing the same actions over and over, applying for the same job that you are not qualified for and getting disappointed each time.
A difficult lesson to learn, a time consuming journey to discover – but the results are greater than any treasure. Let go, change, and you will receive.
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