Lesson 3 – Feel with purpose

I am a very difficult man, very emotional and sometime irrational as a result, yet can be ruthlessly logical. I am a difficult man to understand and figure out.

One of life challenges have been to understand how I can be so emotional, and more importantly, how do I STOP being so emotional and replace with the logical person. The world, my family and partner never seemed to like the emotional side of myself, and only now I understand why. It is difficult to deal with someone who is highly emotional and irrational and then 3 hours later a person who is so logical, it is confusing – it must be so frustrating.

I have done some research, asked some questions and received the best advice from one of my closest friends – “Feel with purpose.”

I am an emotional person, I am also a creative person that relies on emotion to do the best work. It is who I am, it is part of my God given gifts. But it hurts and confuses people close to me, so it can’t be right – and it isn’t right, however, when you start feeling with a purpose it becomes easier and you become less irrational and more logical instantly.

Let me explain:

If I am angry, at someone or a situation, there is no point in denying myself that emotion – it is there already. When I deny that emotion and don’t feel it, then it will come back at a later stage to come and haunt me and I will end up bringing up pain from the past. That isn’t good. If I allow myself to feel that anger, and immediately try and understand why I feel that way, how I responsible and who else has played a hand, discuss it with that person (or friend/partner if it is a situation) and let it go, then it is over. If I allow myself to feel the emotion, strongly – accept it, understand it, clarify/express it, then let it go, it has a very short lifespan and causes much less hurt.

If I allow myself to feel with a purpose – that being to understand the cause of the emotion, regardless of being a good or bad feeling – I have control over that emotion entirely. I have the knowledge to control my actions or reactions. When I feel with purpose I activate my logic brain in conjunction with the emotional brain.

Emotions cannot be explained, they are emotions. They are a mental state. That being said, you can understand the cause of emotional responses – which you have control over. Understanding the cause of emotional states, happy or sad, gives you control over that emotional state and allows you to act and react in the best possible way. Then you can let go what emotions you do not want to feel.

Allow yourself to feel – if you feel love – allow it. Understand where that love comes from and why you are still feeling it – then act on that. If you are sad, understand why, take responsibility, and act. Then let go. Understanding and taking responsibility for your reactions and actions to an emotion is a strong feeling of control.

Allow yourself to feel. Give yourself the room to feel. Be consumed by an emotion. Just don’t let it control you. You are in control, always.