In recent months I have been faced with a lot of personal trauma and crisis. The very fabric of my being has was put into question, the man that I believed I was. I had been receiving input from someone who I loved and valued their opinion. Was I truly that broken? That I had become toxic and unhealthy to the myself and the world around me? Was this the man I had become?
During this turbulent time, trying to understand who and what I am, where I want to be and how I want to get there, I had to rebuilt my perceptions. But it was difficult. I was being challenged in a big way - I could not figure out how I am supposed to understand who and what I am?
My guru suggested that I write myself a letter, from myself to myself. My instruction was to put my pride on the line, put my ego on the line, forget what I believed and just write. I must be honest enough to admit my mistakes, to take responsibility for my actions, accept no excuses and be open to the possibility of change. This was a daunting task for me. I had never written myself a letter if I must be honest, not like this, notes yes, but never a full on letter.
I love writing and believe in the power of writing, but writing to someone else or to God is easy. But when you write to yourself it is a whole different ballgame. So I lit a candle and started writing - and it went slowly at first. Then I started getting into the grove of things, and understanding this task I have been given. I thanked myself for the good things that I have done for myself, and how blessed I am, however, I had to admit my mistakes. Each one. As I wrote it and allowed my mind to flow, I wrote more and more and saw what I think about myself and where I truly am in my life.
As painful as this experience was there was also something very liberating about being that brutally honest to myself. Because if you cannot be honest to yourself, who can you be honest too? "If you have a complete inability to even be honest to yourself, then you have a much deeper problem that you think" my guru told me. Such a simple truth.
Dear readers and friends, if you find yourself in that position in life - where you feel like you have this storm inside your head, that you just cannot figure out who or what you are, or just to understand how you actually see yourself - write yourself a letter. It is such an amazing experience. Admitting your flaws to yourself, your mistakes and issues, is the first step in understanding them and creating the change for the better.
This act of writing enables you to become a mirror for yourself. Is there any better lesson to learn in life than to know your flaws and truly understand how you see yourself and be able to become the person that you want to be seen as? It is liberation and freedom on such a massive level.
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